


Starving

by AshRain



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Sweetheart, Anxiety|Virgil Sanders gets a Hug, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, touch starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:40:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23361103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshRain/pseuds/AshRain
Summary: Patton, Logan and Roman find out about Virgil's touch starvation. They do their best to help
Relationships: Platonic LAMP
Comments: 13
Kudos: 304





	Starving

**Author's Note:**

> Pretty much this meme:  
> "What was that?"  
> "Affection."  
> "Disgusting. Do it again."

It was movie night, something Roman and Patton insisted on having at least twice a month.  
Logan was on drink duty, still in the kitchen as he waited for the water to boil. Roman sat in front of the TV, queueing up several movies while Patton and Virgil were on the couch, sitting next to each other and sharing a soft fluffy blanket.

Virgil tried hard not to fidget. He was warm underneath the blanket but he sat close enough to be able to vaguely feel the phantom heat radiating off Patton. It was tempting to just lean in and leech off his warmth.

But he couldn’t do that. That would be plain weird, he couldn’t just force himself onto the other side like that. But on the other hand, the blanket was warm but not warm enough and Patton seemed so soft and so much warmer and-

Logan entered the living room and placed four mugs of hot chocolate on the couch table before settling into an armchair to Virgil’s left and Roman got settled on the pile of blankets in front of the couch. There was still enough space next to Virgil but the creative side had insisted on sprawling out on the floor. But at least the two other sides had now distracted Virgil from how warm and tempting Patton looked.

As their movie night progressed and one movie ended and another began Virgil felt himself drift off. He dozed for a few moments before he startled awake again. He managed to sort of stay awake for another ten minutes before he tipped over, finally asleep.

When he fell asleep he slumped right into Patton’s side, unconsciously snuggling into the warmth he found there and Patton couldn’t help but coo as he pulled Virgil into his lap, starting to play with his hair. He noticed Roman and Logan look over at his adoring noises and he looked right back at them.

“Look how adorable he is! And his hair is so soft.” he told them, prompting Roman to sit up a little and lace his fingers through the sleeping side’s hair as well to see if it was true.

And indeed it was. How dare Virgil have softer hair than he? He was The Prince. How dare! The audacity!

But yes, Patton was right. He was quite adorable when he was asleep. At least he wasn’t tearing apart Sleeping Beauty anymore.

—

Awareness came slowly. He could hear Mulan play so he had slept through most of Sleeping Beauty at least. He wasn’t sure if something else had come between those two movies. The next thing he noticed was that he was much warmer than before and he was laying down. And someone was touching his hair.

He nearly shot up and away from the foreign feeling but when he looked up he saw Patton look back with a look of absolute adoration.

“Hey Kiddo. Did you have a good nap?” he asked softly, never stopping the soothing movement of his hand.

“I- uh. Fine. I- i’m gonna- jus- uh go.” virgil stuttered, scrambling up and away, making his way to his room.

As he collapsed onto his bed, Virgil already missed the warmth he had felt with Patton. It had been foreign but not bad. It had been comfortable and he had felt safer than he had in a long while. But it had to end. He had just forced himself onto Patton, no consent asked or given and now he was all tingly and shivering with cold again.

His scalp where Patton had pet his hair and his back and side that had been resting in Patton’s lap seemed to radiate off all body heat he had left, leaving him colder than ever before and tingled and itched so much it was almost painful.

After hours of trying to warm up again Virgil finally managed to fall back asleep but it was not restful at all.

When he woke up in the morning he was cold again. He had gotten a hot water bottle to hug as he slept but now that the water inside had gone cold it was just making it worse. But there was no time to wallow and be sad. Patton would knock at his door to call him for breakfast any minute now so he got up and put on his thick hoodie, pulling it tight around himself but it didn’t seem to help much.

The kitchen was already abuzz with Roman’s usual shenanigans and Patton’s usual morning cheer and it was warm from the other bodies and the stove and Virgil found himself relaxing just a bit.

Logan looked up from the newspaper he was reading and greeted him with a Salutations which he answered with a grumbled morning.

Logan turned back to his newspaper and Virgil watched Roman and Patton across the kitchen, dancing and goofing off and he felt something in him stiffen and something in him yearned to be in their place. Patton’s hand was on Roman’s hip and Roman was spinning him playfully and Virgil didn’t understand why he wanted that. It seemed quite uncomfortable, being spun around like that. He was getting dizzy just watching them but still. He wanted that.

Virgil was so absorbed by the sight of the two more cheerful sides that he didn’t notice the logical side watching him in turn. Something seemed off about the anxious side but Logan did not have sufficient data to make a hypothesis. He would have to keep an eye on Virgil to gather more information.

And thus the day began.

Logan decided to stay in the commons to work on some editing. That way he could keep an eye on Virgil who was roped into helping Patton do some baking and Logan made note of every reaction the other showed.

_Signs of being cold, shivering _.__

____

_Leaning into the smallest of touches before seemingly catching himself and leaning away again _.__

______ _ _

_Looking longingly at Roman and Patton whenever they touched, even having that same way when anyone brushed past Logan _.__

________ _ _ _ _

_That longing look was always followed by Virgil’s arms wrapping around himself as if trying to hug and protect himself _.__

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Now that he had gathered more data it was quite obvious and Logan planned on presenting his findings to Patton and Roman once Virgil retreated to his room for the night. This would not do. He could not let things go on like this. For Thomas’ sake but most of all for Virgil’s.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

—

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“-And this is why I am convinced that Virgil is suffering from severe touch starvation.” Logan ended his presentation, looking away from his powerpoint presentation to look at his audience. Roman was frowning and Patton looked like he was trying to disappear.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“So you’re saying that our Verge has been feeling so awful and lonely and didn’t talk to us?” Patton began only to be interrupted by Roman.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“But why now?” he demanded.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Roman please do not interrupt Patton and wait for your turn but what do you mean?”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Why now? If he’s so touch starved why didn’t we notice anything sooner?”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Well this is only a theory but it is possible that he did not notice how severe it was himself. He might have managed to ignore it until it became a non-issue. And this could also be the reason, Patton, that he did not ask for our help. It is also possible that he did not feel secure enough in his place as an accepted member of this family to open up to us to such an extent. He did, afterall, live mostly in isolation before we accepted- Patton why are you crying?”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I just- our kiddo, he- he must have been so lonely and scared all that time and now he’s too scared to talk to us and we never noticed and-” Patton cut off with a sob, hands rising to his mouth to muffle any other sobs that might escape him. This was his fault. It had to be. He was the self-proclaimed father of the group and he let his kiddo suffer like that for who knows how long! How could he call himself a father if he couldn’t even make sure his baby got a sufficient amount of hugs?

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Patton please. It is completely possible that this was never an issue until now! It is possible that he was not aware of his touch starvation until something set him off.” Logan did not mention that it might have been Patton’s impromptu cuddle session. As Logic he might not understand emotions much but he understood enough to know that that would only make the Heart’s turmoil bigger.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“So what do we do now? Just hug him a bunch until he’s not touch starved anymore?”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“No, Roman. It is not quite that easy. Going too fast might overwhelm him, especially since he is prone to getting overwhelmed as is. I suggest reading his body language and build yourself up. You could start by sitting close to him or holding his hand of you yourself are comfortable with it. You could of course also offer him hugs but however you proceed, you must both remember to ask him for his consent first. It is likely that he feels out of control and insecure. Asking for his consent puts him in a position of control that might help him feel more secure.”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Alright. So we try to touch him as much as he’ll allow huh.”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Basically, yes.”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

And with that the discussion was over. They all knew what to do. Or at least they had a vague guideline they could use.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

But while they discussed ways to help Virgil the object of their concerns was having troubles of his own. Mainly that not even several hot water bottles and several blankets could keep him warm. He was sweating and he knew he was warm but something in his chest seemed frozen.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

He ended up staring at his ceiling as he shivered, barely noticing the hours crawl by. He did notice however when Patton came a-knocking at his door to call him down for breakfast.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Virgil entered the kitchen to Patton and Roman goofing off and Logan reading the newspaper. He accepted Logan’s Salutations and returned it with a wordless grumble. He was just tired and too sluggish to form words just yet. He watched Roman spin Patton around and thus another day began for them.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

—

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

They tried to keep up their normal routine but even as he was getting spun through the kitchen Patton couldn’t help but watch Virgil. He seemed much more tired than usual and the bags under his eyes were visible under his eyeshadow. But Patton let it be for now. He’d talk to Virgil after breakfast.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

After breakfast found Virgil laying on the couch, wrapped in the fluffy blanket he had shared with Patton two nights ago, trying to calm his racing heart. There was a scent clinging to the blanket. It smelled a little musty like old books, fresh but heavy like wet grass and earth just after the rain and it smelled sweet and warm like freshly baked cookies. It was a combination of scents he had grown to associate with the other sides and something about it made him feel oh so safe.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

But he was still unable to sleep. He was still cold. So he stared at the blank TV, turned off as Roman sat on the floor in front of the couch, using the low table so he could write down ideas for new scripts.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Hey Kiddo. Mind if I sit with you?” Patton asked him softly and Virgil just barely managed to hide a flinch. He hadn’t even noticed Patton approach but he nodded after a moment’s hesitation. The smile that overtook Patton’s face was like seeing the sun come out from behind a wall of clouds ad Virgil had to look away before he got blinded.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Patton settled down by Virgil’s head and watched his kiddo try to relax and sleep. He leaned in a little and let his hand hover by the other’s head.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“This okay?” he asked, ready to pull away at a moment’s notice but found himself delighted when Virgil nodded again, allowing him to bury his fingers in the soft strands of hair and play with it. 

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Virgil noticeably leaned into the soft touches, feeling much warmer. Warm enough to fall asleep at least. And after two nearly sleepless nights the anxious side was finally asleep.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“He’s been trying to sleep for half an hour, ever since breakfast. I think the fact that he fell asleep as soon as you were touching him is proof of Logan’s theory.” Roman commented, looking up from his notebook.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Patton just nodded in response and leaned down to press a kiss to Virgil’s brow. Hopefully a little kiss goodnight would help him sleep better. But as much as Patton wanted to sit with Virgil and keep an eye on him as he slept, Thomas apparently had other plans for barely half an hour later the human called his moral side out into the real world.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

—

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Virgil was dreaming. He was in a nice place. It was dark and he couldn’t really see anything but it was warm and soft and he felt safe, as if he was in a cavern entirely made of blankets and pillows and for once the dark didn’t bother or scare him. 

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Many of his dreams were set in total darkness and usually he’d wake up terrified and go scrambling for his bedside lamp. Years ago, when he was still living with the others, Deceit had given him a nightlight for those instances but then Remus had found out about it and smashed it. He had bullied Virgil over it for years and even now he was terrified of anyone else finding out about it so he hadn’t bothered to replace it ever since. He knew the others were unlikely to be mean about it but he couldn’t get over it.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

But this darkness - it was nice. It felt good. It was warm while the darkness was usually cold and it felt safe now.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Until it didn’t. Suddenly the warmth was gone and the darkness was as threatening and cold as usual. He took a shaky breath. It was fine. He didn’t need to be scared. It was just darkness. It couldn’t hurt him. Nothing was out there.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Something growled. Virgil tried to back away but something was wrapped tightly around him, restraining him. He whimpered when whatever was out there growled again, this time closer. No matter how much he struggled he couldn’t get free and that thing was getting closer and closer, its growls getting louder and louder.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

And then something grabbed him.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Virgil woke up with a gasp, followed by a sob as he saw Roman’s face hovering just above him.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Hey, hey Dark and GLoomy. It’s just me, it was just a dream. C’mere, it’s okay. I got you.” Roman tried to calm down the scared side, hands hovering over his arms. He ached to hold Virgil and play with his hair and just keep him safe. 

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

He ached to protect Virgil. He had hurt him so much and he mistreated him for years. But he loved him and he was part of the family. 

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

And everyone in the family was under Roman’s protection but he had failed the, arguably, most vulnerable part of his family.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Roman didn’t have much time to wallow in his guilt. Virgil practically launched himself into Creativity’s arms the moment he shook off the terror he’d felt upon waking up. The need to feel safe and protected outweighed his fear of rejection and he wasn’t disappointed. Roman wrapped his arms around the shaking body, holding him tightly and securely.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“It’s okay, Virgil. It’s okay, I got you. You’re safe with me, I’m protecting you, I promise. Nothing’s gonna hurt you now. Shh, my darling Stormcloud. I have you, I have you.” He babbled, keeping up the sweet nothings until Virgil had stopped shaking and crying. He kept going until the other had calmed down but as he fell silent he didn’t let go.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Thomas called Patton out. Do you wanna see Logan?” He asked, only to backtrack when Virgil tensed and held onto him a bit tighter. “No no no, don’t worry, I meant I can call him down. I’m not letting you go, I promise.”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Virgil was silent for another moment before nodding into Roman’s chest. He would very much like to see Logan. He wanted to have Patton too but oh well. He was too tired and stressed to make a fuss.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

—

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Logan got Roman’s message and checked it after finishing his current sentence.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“ _V had a nightmare, is asking for you. Come down to help comfort him asap _” It said and Logan hesitated. He was not good with emotions and the whole comforting thing but- but if Virgil was actually asking for him?__

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

How could he say no? Virgil had alway been scared to ask for things. Asking for him now after a nightmare was a huge step.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

So he saved his progress and pushed himself out of his chair to make his way downstairs. There, in the living room he found Virgil snuggled into Roman’s chest, making ‘grabby hands’ at him the moment he caught sight of him.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Hello, Virgil. I hear you had a nightmare. I shall fetch you some water before joining you.” He told him as he made his way to the kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, cracking it open before handing it to Virgil.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

While Virgil sipped his water he felt Logan sit down by them, effectively caging him in between Logan and Roman. This would usually unsettle him but now it just grounded him, making him feel more safe.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Hey, your favorite animal is the Flying Fox, right? Did you know that they cool off using their wings?” Logan began, wanting to distract Virgil from anything he might remember from his nightmare.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

When Virgil shook his head and peeked up at him curiously he continued.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“They fan themselves with their wings to cool off a little but if that is not enough they seek out shade and lick themselves to cool off via the evaporating saliva. They are important pollinators and bats are the only mammals capable of flight. Other mammals are capable of gliding but bats are the only ones capable of actual, continuous flight. However to take off, they need enough space because-”

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Virgil was interested in the bat facts and he wanted to keep listening, he really did, but Logan’s voice was so nice and soothing and Roman was still holding him so protectively and logan had grabbed his hand and one of them had wrapped him up in the blanket again and he was comfy and safe and he just couldn’t help but fall asleep.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

And this time he dreamed of cuddling up to a large fluffy bat that wrapped him in its wings.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

And this time he knew he was safe and his family would make sure he stayed that way. They still had a long way to go, he still had lots to recover from but his family was determined to do everything in their power to help him.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr @ashrain5


End file.
